असक्तिरनभिष्वङ्गः पुत्रदारगृहादिषु ।नित्यं च समचित्तत्वमिष्टानिष्टोपपत्तिषु॥
asaktir anabhiṣvaṅgaḥ putra-dāra-gṛhādiṣunityaṃ ca sama-cittatvam iṣṭāniṣṭopapattiṣu
Word by word
The verse says
— not holding on; no gripping at children, wife, home and the rest; and a constant evenness of mind whether what arrives is wanted or unwanted —
In plain words
This is the verse people misquote.
Anabhiṣvaṅga — without gripping. Not without love. Without the clutch.
The children are not the problem. What is named is a particular way of holding them.
Where you've felt this · in parenting
Two parents drop a child at university. One helps carry the boxes up, says something useless and cheerful, and drives home to cry privately. The other rings every day for a month at six o'clock. Both love the child exactly as much.
Going deeper
The difference between love and gripping is the whole content of this verse, and getting it wrong has caused real harm.
Abhiṣvaṅga is a strong word — clinging, sticking to, being glued. What is recommended against is not affection but the grip that cannot let the other person move. Read as a recommendation against caring, this verse has been used to justify coldness toward families by people who found coldness easier than love.
Nothing in the surrounding list supports that. It sits between non-attachment and evenness of mind, in a list that includes patience, straightness and doing no harm.
The test is in the second half. Can what arrives be unwanted without the relationship being damaged? A grip is revealed by what happens when the other person does something you did not want, which is a question about you rather than about how much you love them.